excerpt from moleskine - 2

Why is it every time i find something to live for, i choose to die for it instead?

i light up a gas stations.

asphalt.

blur.

brakes on gravel.

good morning.

we're in different places, you and i.

you're there, and i'm here.

and i find myself shifting. hard.

between happy and discontent.

no, more like complacent and discontent.

or maybe more like stoic and miserable.

hold on, hold on. need a drag.



so, i see we've stopped communicating.

it started slow. a bit of contact here and there.

here and there turned into just here, not so much there.

now i'm ignoring you. well no, i'm ignoring me.

i'm resenting what i want and feel.

shoving it down.

down my throat.

gagging on the truth, but swallowing forcefully.

it's like heartburn.

only my esophagus is wasting away, and i don't know how much longer i can keep it down.

hold on, hold on. need to re-light.



well. i guess what's done is done.

i'm actually ok.

doing well.

but i might actually not be so well.

but i'm ok.

but here's the truth, you.

you is actually me.

and i'm really you.

this isn't an entry about a lost love or an old friend.

it's the disconnect i feel within myself.




hey reality, how've you been?